I'd like to play
for an Italian club
... like Barcelona
Mark Draper
 
         
 

 Total and utter control. Oh there's a loose one. Danger here.....

DangerHere Secures IR£10,000,000 Partnership Deal with Multinational Giant TransGlobal

At the press conference in Carrigstown's The Bistro were Blue Dolphin's Nicola and Paul and DangerHere's Ed, Gareth and Paul.
This week at DangerHere Towers we are pleased to announce a major new strategic partnership with international information technology giant TransGlobal, under the aegis of Dublin-based subsidiary Blue Dolphin.

This deal has been in the works for some time. Our crack team of lawyers has been working for weeks with Blue Dolphin executives Paul, Nicola, Maher and Niamh to iron out an agreement. Late last week, a mutually acceptable arrangement was finalised.

 
Terms of the agreement

Under the terms of the historic agreement, DangerHere will serve as a universal business portal for all 67,000 TransGlobal staff around the world, including the four Blue Dolphin staff in Dublin. These staff will conduct all daily business through the DangerHere site, from providing customer services to developing new software packages. 

In return, DangerHere has received a fee of IR£10 million, and will also gain guaranteed access to Blue Dolphin and TransGlobal staff, providing virtually unlimited potential for sales of DangerHere t-shirts, mousepads and mugs, should these items ever be produced.

Plans to reinvest

However, we haven't lost sight of the fact that you're only as good as your last strategic symbiotic linkup. Rest assured that we plan to reinvest the money into the site. For a start, we're drawing up plans to extend DangerHere Towers by another 50 floors, making it the tallest building in the Western World. It will truly become the jewel in the crown of the Dublin skyline. 

We also plan to employ a graphic designer, so that in a few weeks' time, all going well, the laughably fake-looking mocked-up photographs that are currently such a prominent feature of DangerHere will be a thing of the past. We may also hire a proofreader. We are the first to admit that our current laissez-faire editorial policy leaves something to be desired.

Press conference in the Bistro

We decided to hold the press conference that unveiled our industry-rocking agreement in the Bistro in Dublin's Carrigstown, the inner-city area in which Blue Dolphin's offices are located. Paul Brennan, Blue Dolphin's company director, chief programmer and senior salesman, expressed envy at the extensive and spacious offices in DangerHere Towers. "To be honest," he said, "Blue Dolphin operates out of one room about the size of a large bathroom. In contrast, you could have a game of five-a-side on any floor of DangerHere Towers."

 
 
Carrigstown local Bela Doyle, though not in any way connected with the press conference, insisted on sitting with us and fielding questions. "I don't know much about all this computer lark," he said, "but I'll tell you this, right? I know a good bunch of blokes when I see them, and these DangerHere lads are the bleedin' salt of the earth. Salt of the earth, so they are."
DangerHere strongman Phil 'the King' fields a question outside The Bistro, flanked by Blue Dolphin's Maher and
local dogsbody Bela Doyle.
 

DangerHere spans the globe

Later, after Doyle had left to visit McCoy's hostelry next door, Brennan remarked that "in its five weeks of operation, DangerHere has expanded from a visitor base of zero to an average of 560,000 unique visits per day."

He went on: "DangerHere now extends into 172 nations all around the globe, and has been visited by at least 41% of the world's Internet-enabled computers. It's the biggest website on the planet. These guys are geniuses!." Blue Dolphin's 2002 projections indicate that, as a result of the DangerHere partnership, their workforce will increase by 50% from the current number of four to a more substantial six.

Maher denies allegations

"This is great news for Blue Dolphin," said junior vice-president for sales and programming, Maher (first name unknown). "Just a few weeks ago we thought the company was going to have to downsize by 25%. That was when Niamh was almost sacked." Maher later angrily rejected allegations that he has never actually used a computer, and that his office phone isn't even plugged in.

Blue Dolphin - watched by the nation

“At the end of the day," said our co-CEO at DangerHere, Larry Ryan, "the opportunity to ally with a high-profile organisation like Blue Dolphin was too good a chance to miss.” This was a reference to the fact that Blue Dolphin is a central aspect of RTE's current thrice-weekly hard-hitting fly-on-the-wall documentary series Fair City. Viewers throughout the country tune in regularly to learn of the latest developments in Carrigstown. The nation watched aghast recently as a sexual harrassment case shook Blue Dolphin to its very core. The real-life drama this provided was rivalled only by the searing love triangle currently brewing between the bloke who works in the bar, the blonde bird, and the other bloke.

What exactly is integration software?

When pressed by reporters about what exactly was the nature of Blue Dolphin's business, senior vice-president in charge of sales and programming Nicola Prendergast replied "Integration software." Enquiries about what exactly this was met with mumbled, unintelligible replies. When asked about how sales and programming duties are divided among Blue Dolphin staff, she was similarly non-committal. "We all do a bit of both," she said.

Whatever integration software may be matters little to us at DangerHere Towers. What's important is that we have a cheque for 10 million pounds, and more importantly the opportunity to make the world a better place for you, for me, and for the entire human race.