“You can't play with a one armed goalkeeper… not at this level”

At what level exactly do you think it would work well, Kev?


“We don't get any marks for effort like in ice skating.”

Would it be cruel to tell King Kev that hapless endeavour is just as likely to go unrewarded on the rink?


“You just need one or two players playing well to have a chance in this league. But you need nine or 10 playing well to have a chance to win.”

And you just need one Kevin Keegan to have a chance of guff.


"The last thing I wrote on the board before we came out was 'If you go out there and show me that determination and you show this crowd that you want it more, they'll be that twelvth man for you. They'll give you that extra lift.'"

Those speed writing and succintness classes have done Kevin Keegan's pre match teamtalks the world of good.


"Well that's like asking me who is on my Christmas card list. I sit down with the wife and I say 'did they send us one last year or this year', and if they haven't we rip the name up and throw it in the bin. But then, a couple of days after Christmas the card might arrive late so we do a card for them on the 28th and date it the 22nd and send it off and hope they don't notice...I haven't a clue what I'm talking about."

Kevin Keegan responds memorably to a query about his transfer window targets.



" In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg."

Well I suppose he’s got a point. You don’t get any foxy nurses signing your cast when you've got cramp.

"The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful."

Kev could never abide careless players who neglected their anti-aging medication.

"There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight."

Technically correct... and yet completely moronic.

"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."

True in the same sense that none of the players on the field are sitting on the substitutes' bench.

"Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're different countries..."

Do you, Kev? Do you really?

"Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America."

Kev discovers yet another ridiculous FIFA ruling

"Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties."

The delivery pains must be tricky.

"I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is."

Profound in its own way... but completely by accident.

"Despite his white boots, he has real pace..."

Reminiscent of Fr Dougal Maguire confusing size and proximity. Kev never gave up his theory that footwear colour and physiological make-up were inextricably linked.

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different."

And to think the sentence had started so brightly with the promise of cultural insight.

"It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card."

Kev fails to notice the hand that sometimes assists cards in their path from pocket to high in the air.

"...using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength."

Strong words

"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."

Kev always weighed up his options, but usually decided on guff anyway.

And finally, a rare word of wisdom and understanding from Kev...

"I would ask anyone to try to understand the world he lives in. We all have to accept that he is married to Spice Girl Victoria Adams - and I think he copes very well with it."