Probably
the only current football manager to
have lived through the industrial revolution,
avuncular Bobby Robson is the grand
old man of football. Not for him the
path beaten by the likes of Bobby Charlton,
who tours the world Queen Mother-like,
paying goodwill visits to places like
Bermuda and Dubai. Septuagenarian Bobby
is made of sterner stuff than that,
is still involved in football at its
highest level. That he is also still
producing guff at the highest level
simply makes us admire him all the more.
Bobby’s a dab hand at the effective
metaphor, the image that makes a complex
concept clear as a bell.
"We
put some good subs on to hang onto the
fort."
"Tottenham have impressed me -
they haven't thrown in the towel even
though they’ve been under the
gun.”
“When Gazza was dribbling, he
used to go through a minefield with
his arm, a bit like you go through a
supermarket.”
It’s not widely appreciated that
he’s the Cassius Clay of modern
times. Who else in the world of sport
can compose an amusing poetic ditty
off the cuff?
"We've
voodooed the hoodoo!"
"We need to get that point as soon
as possible. The tooter the sweeter."
A particular speciality of Bobby’s
is the contradiction. He has that rare
ability to begin a sentence with an
utterance that, by the time the sentence
stumbles to its conclusion, has been
comprehensively gainsaid. Evidence for
the prosecution, m’lud:
"Manchester United dropped points,
Liverpool dropped points, Chelsea dropped
points, Everton dropped points, so in
a way we haven't lost anything at all
really, although we dropped all three..."
"They've probably played better
than they've ever done for a few weeks."
“Ray Wilkins' day will come one
night.”
“I'm not going to look beyond
the semi-final - but I would love to
lead Newcastle out at the final.”
“He never fails to hit the target.
But that was a miss.’
“Maybe not goodbye, but farewell.”
“We didn't underestimate them.
They were just a lot better than we
thought.”
“Eighteen months ago Sweden were
arguably one of the best three teams
in Europe, and that would include Germany,
Holland, Russia and anybody else if
you like.”
And
Exhibit B for the prosecution –
Bobby’s unique way with a tautology:
“Home advantage gives you an advantage.“
“In a year's time, he's a year
older.”
“The margin is very marginal.”
“Mehmet Scholl is very two footed.“
“Their football was exceptionally
good - and they played some good football.”
Bobby’s medical knowledge is second
to none, though. Or maybe that should
be zero-to-none…
"Nobby
Solano discharged himself from hospital
after the Tottenham game and he's driving,
living the life and aware of who he
is.”
"We can't replace Gary Speed. Where
do you get an experienced player like
him with a left foot and a head?"
"Gary Speed has never played better,
never looked fitter, never been older."
"They've never really allowed the
Germans have a free head."
"Everton will want to sedate Wayne
Rooney and keep the boy calm, and that
is the right thing to do."
“If you count your chickens before
they've hatched, they won't lay an egg.”
“Alan Shearer has done very well
for us, considering his age. We have
introduced some movement into his game
because he has got two good legs now.
Last season he played with one leg.”
“He has four lungs and two hearts
– no doubt about it.”
Bobby doesn’t let his professional
life interfere with his domestic life.
If anything, it’s the other way
around:
"Newcastle
have always had a poor pitch in winter.
We don't have the better weather. My
lawn up here isn't as good as my lawn
in Ipswich."
"I've just lost my house. I don't
know where I'm going to sleep tonight."
"Football's like a big market place,
and people go to the market every day
to buy their vegetables."
"People want success. It's like
coffee, they want instant."
But at the end
of the day, it’s the man’s
sheer tactical nous that got him where
he is today:
"No team won anything without a
dodgy keeper."
“The first ninety minutes of a
football match are the most important.”
“Well, we got nine and you can't
score more than that.”
“Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would
be a nice result.”
”The first ninety minutes of a
football match are the most important.”
“I wouldn’t like to say
‘poor’ but he hasn’t
subscribed to the play.”
“We haven’t had a strategic
free kick all night. No one’s
knocked over attackers ad lib.”
”You can’t put sixty thousand
people on the training ground.”
“I do want to play the short ball
and I do want to play the long ball.
I think long and short
balls is what football is all about.”
“He's very fast and if he gets
a yard ahead of himself nobody will
catch him.”
But at the end of the day, what makes
us love Uncle Bobby is his sheer Bobbyness.
Nobody else in the world of football
could produce Grade A guff of this sort:
"Titus
Brambell had a very good game, which
will silence all the boo-boys, and put
them in the drink, and we can get on
with our lives."
"We are all in the same bucket."
"I've had to come out of the dressing
room because I don't want to get too
excited."
"We've dropped two points against
Ipswich and I mean that sincerely."
“Some of the goals were good,
some of the goals were sceptical.”
“I'd say he's the best in Europe,
if you put me on the fence.”
“We're flying on Concorde. That'll
shorten the distance. That's self-explanatory.”
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