Forget all you know of Ronglish. Abandon the teachings of Merse Code. If you want to make any kind of career in football, it’s no longer acceptable to work from the game’s dated glossary of terms. 

The ‘progressive’ modern football man will not do anything early doors. Of course he’s quickly building a winning culture via elite mentality, identity, standards and emotional intelligence. But more importantly, he has a list of banned words, presumably handed out on every Pro License course, that must no longer be used: 

Football club

Change comes at us fast. Not long ago it was compulsory for any serious football man to say ‘football club’ at least twice in every breath. Delighted for everybody at the football club. A difficult week at the football club. We need more bodies at the football club. That kind of thing. All behind us. Now, nothing exposes yesterday’s man swifter than a refusal to use the replacement term ‘in the building’.  

Gametime

Forget about it. Do not, if you want any future, seek to get gametime for a recently recovered ace. You must, of course, try to get minutes into his legs. Be sure to note that you will be astutely managing his load.

Tackles, shots, dribbles etc

Don’t make the schoolboy error of attempting to describe what it is you’ve just seen on the pitch. This kind of needless detail is now rolled into umbrella terms, defensive actions and attacking actions. If you insist on complicating things, you may still get away with applauding a lad for winning his duels. 

Players

Nope, not any more. Bodies is fine, still. But the more progressive football mind will now use ‘profiles’. We need to get different profiles into the building. 

‘Getting it forward’ or ‘knocking it long’

Ok, slightly tricky area. We know the modern football man is going back to the future and just getting it in the mixer. Rather than playing ‘through the thirds’. Even Pep. But obviously they can’t describe this regression in such primitive terms. You’ll need to talk about box entries or maybe playing with more verticality. 

Passing

No way. Use ball progression, maybe. Connecting the thirds, ideally. Or if things are going well, quality circulation. 

Philosophy

Once, every pretender had to come armed with a philosophy they’d polished up when watching FC Volendam train during that spell of self-improvement when they were without a job for six months. That’s for frauds now. And you certainly can’t attempt to talk about ‘style of play’. You’ll need game principles, for sure. But realistically, you’ll need principles in possession, principles out of possession and of course, principles in transition. 

Score

Don’t, whatever you do, get caught up in these kinds of specifics. Use of outdated metrics like scoreline should be discouraged. You must, of course, talk about game state. The game state dictated that we sit deeper and perform defensive actions. 

Squad

Don’t be daft. It’s always the group. 

Overloads 

Don’t feel too bad. There are real football men still trying to impress by mentioning overloads in the PowerPoint presentations their kid did for them before a meeting with the owner. But you’re going to have to do a lot better than that. “Create superiorities” is recommended. Underloads is grand though, when you’re trying to suck opponents into areas and possibly create tempo traps. 

More banned terms to follow in case you get a second interview…